By: Amy Shepley

“10 things By Which Successful People Are Not Daunted”. This was the title of an interesting article I saw recently on Forbes.com. One item on the list really stood out to me:

“Successful people are not daunted by conflict. Conflict is the currency of leadership – you have to be able to handle it effectively or others won’t want to follow.”

Yikes, the currency of leadership? This is not the most reassuring news given my track record with handling conflict. When it comes to conflict, I fall somewhere between “not speaking up when I should” to “losing my cool in an emotional, outspoken rant”.

No, I do not enjoy conflict and from the many conversations I have had with our Birkman consultants, apparently I’m not alone. That said, the reality is the total lack of, or absence of conflict can be just as unhealthy as the alternative. Leaders who don’t deal with conflict will eventually watch their good talent walk out the door in search of a healthier and safer work environment.

As we know, different people have different perceptions, and solving workplace conflicts requires finding a common ground, not intimidating, humiliating, or waiting until one person caves to the other. The power of a diverse team is harnessing the perspectives of its collective members. These differences, far from being a threat, are in fact the true secret to the team and the company’s success.

Where do you fall on the conflict continuum?

• Do you retreat from conflicts without a hint of disagreement?
• Are you reluctant to get involved in conversations that may be challenging, heated or potentially negative?
• Do you try to overcome your fear or reluctance by overcompensating?
• Do you react in way that is often loud, offensive or demeaning?
• Or do you enter into the communication with an open mind, eager for an interactive debate or discussion,realizing that not all conflict is a bad thing.Today I challenge you to analyze your own conflict management style. Begin by taking a look at the Conflict Management (Authority/Freedom) component combination for your own report. What are your conflict management tendencies (be honest!) and are they working for you?After you assess your own verbal dominance style, glance at your Empathy scores as well. Bear in mind that Empathy behaves like a volume knob during conflict. The higher your Empathy Usual behavior or Stress behavior scores, the more likely you are to get emotionally wound up. This has the potential to take the conflict to a whole new level.

  Finally, run the Stress Pages report and reference the page listed as Conflict Management. The bottom of the page will provide some prescriptives for how to handle conflict without succumbing to your stress behaviors.

This is not only a great exercise for you, it is also a great activity to work through with your clients. Truth is, there are not that many people who claim they enjoy conflict, and I suspect most of us could improve our ability to deal with conflict more easily and successfully.

Learn more about conflict management in our in-depth leadership training courses!