Conflict Management Suggestion Sheet:

A Procedure for Managing Conflict

The following procedure has been shown to be helpful in managing conflict in an organizational setting:

1. Do not ignore something that bothers you. Work on the issue involved before the situation becomes intolerable to you. However, if needed, a cooling off period may be established, with an agreed-on time to deal with the issue later.
2. Talk directly to the other person involved. Work with the other person to try to solve the issue yourselves.
3. If someone approaches you with an issue be willing to work on it.
4. If an individual begins to complain to you about another person who is notpresent, encourage that individual to talk directly with the other person instead. This approach discourages the perpetuation of rumors, falsehoods, and so on.
5. If, after you have tried to work on the issue on your own with the other person involved – and there has been no change and the conflict still exists – be willing to approach the issue again with that person.

Things To Keep In Mind Before Working On An Issue

Before you attempt to resolve an issue with another person, consider these suggestions:

1. Be sure that there is a real problem and that you are not just in a bad mood.
2. Try to identify the real issue or opportunity rather than just the symptoms orpersonality.
3. Be prepared to work toward a mutually agreeable solution, not just toward“winning”.
4. Remember that it is all right to disagree and that the other person is not “bad”or “wrong” if he or she disagrees with you.
5. Keep some perspective. Relationships are not destroyed but can even beenhanced by working toward a mutually satisfactory solution to a conflict.

Things To Keep In Mind While Working On An Issue

The following reminders may be helpful as you work with another person to resolve an issue:

1. Look for a win/win solution: an arrangement whereby both you and the other person involved “win”.
2. Do your best to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
3. Be willing to “own” part of the problem as belong to you. (Avoid thinking“That’s not my problem.”)
4. Remember that talking about your feelings is more effective than acting themout.
5. Establish a common goal and stay focused on it.
6. Be persistent in coming to a satisfactory solution if the issue is really importantto you.
7. Use the guidelines listed below under “Giving Feedback.”
8. At the end of the discussion with the other person, summarize what has beendecided and who will take any next steps.

Giving Feedback

Giving “feedback” is a way of helping another person to consider changing his or her behavior. Feedback is communication to a person that gives the person information about how he or she affects you. Used properly, it can be a helpful “guidance-control” mechanism that the feedback recipient can use in altering his or her behavior.

Here are some guidelines for giving useful feedback:

1. Describe the other person’s behavior; do not judge it. Describe your own reaction to the behavior. Avoid “judging” language so that the other person will feel less defensive.
2. Use specific rather than general terms. Do not say, “You are dominating.” Say instead, “Just now when we were discussing the issue, you did not let me finish speaking. I need for you to listen and hear me out.”
3. Consider the needs of the other person as well as your own needs. Feedback can be destructive when it serves only the needs of the person who gives it and fails to consider the needs of the person who receives it, such as saying “Shut up and listen” rather than listening to the other person until they are finished.
4. Discuss behavior that the other person can do something about. Frustration (Stress) is only increased when a person is reminded of a shortcoming over which they may have no control (e.g., stuttering).
5. Be aware that feedback is more effective when requested than when “dumped”. The person who requests feedback is more likely to appreciate it and consider it carefully than the person who did not request it.
6. Give feedback as soon as possible after the behavior has occurred. Feedback is most useful and has the greatest impact when it follows the behavior in a timely fashion. However, you may sometimes want to wait so that you can calm down, avoid embarrassing the person in front of others, and so on. 7. Check to make sure that what you have said is clear. After you have given feedback, ask the other person to try and rephrase what you have said.